Master of the House
(Or, “I Remember It Still to This Day”
1) from Les Misérables Song parody by Brian Martin, annotated by Andrew
Welcome, my friends Toddler in the house Took leave of the house Scholar, he was not
Lend me your ears
Let us return
Some forty-three years.
As we recall
That historical day
A baby was born
On the shore of the Tay 2.
But life in Old Dundee
Proved to be so brief
He soon exchanged the thistle
For the maple leaf. 3
The world had best beware
Talent showers down
From such a classy pair.
Singer for a Mom 4
Actor for a Dad 5
Heritage like that
You know, it ain’t half bad.
One fist grasping a viola 6
Stage sword 7 in the other hand
Only Act One of the performance
The universe has planned.
Bidding his adieu
Hopped aboard a train
Intent for Waterloo 8.
Wouldn’t spend his hours
Drinkin’ at the pub 9
Instead his time was wasted
With the Outers Club 10.
He says, his father thinks that he’s in med
school 11
His patients, they had best be soused
Better have a proctor
For this budding doctor in the house!
Quick to miss a class 12
Soon distracted by
The many charms of FASS 13.
Up there on the stage
He knew how to rock
Spam Sade, Marvin Gardens
Mister Spock 14.
Everybody's choice director 15
Everybody's choicest Herb 16
You need a comic star
Look no farther, his talents are superb!
What happened next?
Footnotes: 1 "I remember ... day"
- In 1983, Andrew met Alex McGovern in a university musical, and they ended up
sharing a 2-bedroom apartment (before Brian moved-in and eventually married
her). When Alex turned 40, Andrew wrote his own song parody for her, based
on a song that he used to back up Brian on ("Country and Western Supersong").
"I remember it still to this day" was an oft-repeated line from that parody.
(Ironically, Andrew had forgotten this until Brian pointed it out.) 2 "Shore of the Tay" -
Andrew was born in
Dundee, Scotland (on the Tay River) in 1962, but he was only there a few
months before the family... 3 "Exchanged the thistle for the maple leaf" -
...moved from Scotland to Canada to stay (except for a brief time in Baltimore, MD). 4 "Singer for a Mom" -
Elvira Gonnella, retired professor of voice in Dalhousie University's Faculty of
Music. 5 "Actor for a Dad"
- J. Philip Welch is a retired clinical geneticist, but for many years
maintained a successful hobby as an actor and director. Again a small web
presence; see
CAUT work or
publication profile. 6 "Viola" -
Much of Andrew's secondary school years were spent playing the violin and later the viola. 7 "Stage sword" -
Andrew's keen interest in theatre includes a certain amount of experience in stage combat,
although, truth be told, he didn't do much before university. 8 "Waterloo" -
Andrew attended the
Caduceus 17 called
Flemingdon 18 had
His system installed.
So taking AIM 19
At the medical field
The doctor-to-be
Was finally revealed.
But that greasepaint smell
Would not set him free
A trodder of the boards
He was born to be.
Master of the house
Favourite of the crowd
His destiny is surely
To make Thespis 20 proud.
A versatile voice
At the microphone 21
This character commands
A lovely baritone.
Writes a killer murder mystery 22
Improvisation 23 is no sweat
A mastery of the face no Elephant Man
Would soon forget. 24
Still, it’s not enough
A world so compact
For a guy with such
A towering Intellact 25.
Every other day
Wears another hat
Filling up his calendar
With this and that.
Lonely evenings in Wisconsin 26
He’d rather scale a mountain 27 face
An experiential trainer 28
Nothing could be plainer
He’s saner in his Virtual Space! 29
Owner of a house! 30
Nice Toronto flat
Shared the place with Ian 31
And the bloody cat 32.
Women that he met
Emoting on his stage
The span of his attention
They could not engage.
Looking for a boon companion
To provide the life of love he craved
Ring out the wedding bells
With Elswyth 33, our golden boy is saved!
She used to dream
That she would land a prince
Now God Almighty says
“He finally took my hints.”
Now they’ve bought a house
Where wildly blows the wind 34
Needs a bit of work 35
But they are disciplined.
The toilet must be moved 36
He says it will be fine
To Andrew, this is just
Another set design 37.
Ripping out the spiral staircase 38
Though this job’s not Mickey Mouse
Her faith will not diminish
Some day 39 they’ll be finishing the house!
Master of the house
Must be in his prime
My God, the bugger made it
To the church on time40.
Elswyth, he’s a catch
Enjoy him to the end
I cherish our connection
He’s a life-long friend 41.
Everybody bless the master
Everybody bless her spouse
Everybody raise a glass
Another couple blessed with class42
Everybody raise a glass to the masters of the
house!
9 "Drinkin’ at the pub" - The song accurately points out that Andrew was almost never to be found in the local undergraduate beer pub - or any other pub, for that matter. He was never a beer drinker.
10 "Outers Club" - A University of Waterloo club for those interested in outdoor recreation. Andrew joined with Alex McGovern, the parodist's wife-to-be at the time.
11 "Med school" - Although he has a strong science background, Andrew was never of sufficiant academic bent to follow in his father's medical school footsteps - despite paternal wishful thinking.
12 "Miss a class" - Indeed, living off-campus and spending a lot of time hanging about the MathSOC office (the Mathematics Society - Andrew was made President in his first year under less than ideal conditions), his class attendance record was apalling.
13 "FASS" - The University of Waterloo annual musical. The name was an acronym for Faculty, Administration, Staff, and Students (the 'A' now stands for Alumni). FASS played a big part in Andrew's social life from 1980 through 1987.
14 "Spam ... Spock" - These are all roles Andrew played in separate years of FASS productions.
15 "Director" - Andrew directed FASS 1984, and went on to direct and design many more productions.
16 "choicest Herb" - This flavourful food allusion refers to a character in Godspell, named Herb, played by Andrew. Brian, Alex, and Andrew all appeared in the same notable Godspell production, directed by none other than Rev. John McTavish, who officiated at Alex and Brian's wedding (with Andrew as best man), and also at Andrew's wedding. John often refers to the portrayal as his favourite Herb - and he has seen a lot!
17 "Caduceus" - Andrew created Caduceus Medical Software in 1984, which was renamed Caduceus Consulting in later years.
18 "Flemingdon" - Flemingdon Medical Laboratories, Andrew's longest full-time employer.
19 "AIM" - Artificial Intelligence in Medicine, an off-shoot of Flemingdon where Andrew served on the board and as Software Manager. (Ian Chaprin, Andrew's best man, was hired by Andrew as General Manager.)
20
"Thespis" - The Greek god of Theatre. Also the name of a long-lost Gilbert and Sullivan operetta for which Andrew played the title role in it's Canadian premiere.21 "microphone" - On the theatrical side, Andrew took a special interest in radio and voicework.
22 "Murder mystery" - Along with a few other Waterloo theatre associates, Andrew formed a Murder Mystery Theatre troupe called "The Guilty Party". He continued to work in this genre, including several years in Toronto with Mysteriously Yours theatre company.
23 "Improvisation" - A founding member of Theatresports Toronto in 1982, Andrew continues to dabble in live improv performances. He also incorporates theatre improv techniques in his consulting work.
24 "Mastery of the face no Elephant Man would soon forget" - The stage role of which Andrew is most proud, and one which required some significant facial contortions. (Note the play on "an elephant never forgets".)
25 "Intellact" - The new name of Andrew's consulting business. A few years after the wedding, Intel threatened Andrew with legal action over the name. By adopting a novel defence, he is one of the lucky few to beat this particular threat. 'Officially', intellact is now a 'personal' site, while intallact is his business site.
26 "Wisconsin" - For several years, Andrew has supported software for Lavelle Industries, a rubber manufacturer in Burlington Wisconsin.
27 "Scale a mountain" - He has also summited a variety of mountains in Nepal and Africa, including Imja Tse and Kilimanjaro. These two lines are also a throwback to another song parody that Brian wrote when Andrew had a major party in 1999 to announce a major career switch (computers to experiential training), burn his mortgage, and depart for his trip to Africa.
28 "Experiential trainer" - In 1999, Andrew embarked on an entirely new career as a Corporate Facilitator and Experiential Trainer with the Delta Synergy Group.
29 "Virtual Space" - A conference format adopted by Andrew for the Canadian Experiential Education Practitioners Symposium, that he created 4 years ago.
30 "Owner of a house" - Andrew became a co-owner of 5 Selkirk Street, Toronto, in 1994 and spent the next several years renovating it.
31 "Ian" - Ian Chaprin, Andrew's best man. When not his tenant, Ian has formerly (and formally) been (in the last 25 years) his director, general manager, co-facilitator, advisor, improv teammate, teacher, fellow actor, and much more.
32 "Bloody cat" - When living with Andrew at 5 Selkirk Street, Ian slowly worked a local stray, "Sven", into the house. Andrew still asks after the cat.
33 "Elswyth" - Brian wanted to pass on his thanks to the bride for providing him the opportunity to create an internal rhyme with such an interesting name (as in, "bells, with Elswyth". The name is actually an old English form of Elizabeth, inspired by the author Elswyth Thane. (It is unique enough that she can have a hotmail account with just her first name. How many people can do that?!)
34 "Wildly blows the wind" - Elswyth and Andrew have christened their new home "Aanimad", which is an Ojibwe word meaning "where the wind blows wildly". They have also installed a wind turbine, which should be producing power by the Fall of 2005. [In 2006, Andrew released his first copy of WattPlot - software he wrote that monitors his renewable energy system and now several hundred others around the world.]
35 "Bit of work" - Beginning with a new kitchen in an unfinished basement, Andrew and Elswyth have continued ongoing renovations to the house, including moving the staircase, installing new window openings, creating new rooms, etc. Though hard work, it is also a labour of learning and love.
36 "Toilet must be moved" - Indeed, the basement bathroom was installed mere days before the wedding, and yes, the toilet had to be moved.
37 "Set design" - For many years, Andrew supplemented his on-stage work with semi-professional lighting and set design work.
38 "Spiral staircase" - Currently running from their master bedroom to the basement, Andrew and Elswyth have long 'debated' its merits and pitfalls.
39 "Some day" - Not yet! [updated February, 2014].
40 "On time" - Alas, there is a 'Welch gene' that reduces the propensity for punctuality. With all of the pre-nuptial preparations (as his excuse) a last-minute hair trim meant that Andrew was 30 minutes late for the rehearsal at the church. However, as he pointed out at the time: "I've been known to be late for the occasional rehearsal, but I've never been late for a performance."
41 "Life-long friend" - Andrew and Brian, the parodist, have been very close friends since 1980.
42 "Class" - A reference to the "classy pair" in verse 2.